pre new year blahs
Today was pretty relaxed, but very disappointing. I was suppose to go to the eyecare center to pick up my new glasses. Well surprise, surprise I get there and the lady tells me that they made the glasses too big and they had to send them back to the lab. I was like... what. I am too tired of these grandma glasses i'm being forced to wear. Ugh! They hide my beautiful face. Yes i'm vain, but we've already addressed that.
That just sorta put me out of sorts I think.
Later, my Aunt Janice, Edwin (lil bro), and I decided we would drive to Greenville to make a plan for post New Years shopping. Well... actually it was more like Aunt Janice and I made plans and Edwin was just there. One of our stops was Ross's which is like TJ Maxx... just even junkier. Anyways we walked around and pretended to shop. I saw these pink moccosins that didn't have a size anywhere on them, but they looked like they might fit. So along with some other clothes I took them to the dressing room. Well they didn't fit. I think they were like a 9 or something. All I needed was half a size larger and I could work with it. Of course all the big feet women in the world had apparently been through there early that day because there were no other pairs to be found. So so so upset. I really want some moccassins. But I did buy this cute army green shirt so I felt somewhat better. On the way back we stopped at McD's and Aunt Janice bought me a oreo McFlurry. So I was in a much better mood by the time I got home.
Anyways I got home and I decided I needed to wash my hair. So I do that and as always it makes me feel much better. While waiting for my hair to dry (I left my hair dryer in the dorms) I started watching the "True Life" mni marathon on MTV. One of my favorite ones where these girls go the Jersey Shore came on. I wish I could rent a house and spend the summer with my friends. That would be a hot mess, but alot of fun.
Also while I was sitting there I started thinking about the new school year and I dunno. I just got really sad and it's still affecting me. I was just thinking about how i'm gonna be so busy and how I have so much that needs to be done. In fact I have mess that has to be taken care of prior to my even stepping foot on campus. I have to finish filling out the app to work at the Student Union, I have to get my class schedule straight (only 11 hrs right now), I need to get my work schedule at Student Stores worked out (depending on new class schedule). The only positive thing in that regard is that I paid the deposit for my MCAT prep course so as of now i'm officially enrolled. All depends on my refund check that I get... but I can't get that if they don't apply my Pogue Scholarship and they won't do that if i'm not a fulltime student. Grrr. See I hate getting stressed out because especially being at home theres nothing to distract me and I get so worked up. Grrr. Argh!
*hard sigh*
post christmas post
Yay its the day after Christmas and it SNOWED!!! Yay! It was all pristine and white and just nice. Of course it would have been nicer had my mom not awoken me at 7:30 am to show me this but still. She wanted to go out and play in it because she had knew snow boots. Ha. So I rewrapped my hair, covered my body in the appropiate layers and went outside. So my mom, lil bro, aunt, and the dog and I were outside. My dog has never seen snow so he at first didn't like it. Then he tried to jump over it.. but I think he got around to tolerating it. We played outside for like half an hr until it started to snow really hard and get windy and then we all came inside.
Why has my mom been watching BET gospel since like 8 am? Can I watch a dvd please? I mean dangit. We woulda went to Sunday school, church, and a program by now. I think you've made up for missing it today.
Anyways though how about I have some sort of sickness. I'm all congested and stuff and I was shivering last night! Ugh! I hate being sick. Hopefully the medicine i've taken will make it go away.
But let me back up for a minute. Christmas day was alot of fun. Once again mom woke me up way too early and we exchanged gifts. Then we packed in the car and went down the road to my Uncle Jesse Ray and Aunt Peggy's house for the traditional Christmas breakfast. My uncle can throw down for real!! There was three types of sausage; a egg, cheese, and ham cassarole; eggs with cheese; grits w/ and w/o cheese; pancakes; waffles; juice; and coffee. I dont meat really so I pigged out though. And why did he break out the molasses? I don't even know but I was stuffed. Ok then we repacked outselves in the car and went to Kinston to see my Aunt Brenda (my mom's twin) and went to her friend Joe's house to exchange more gifts and eat.... again.
Ok after Kinston we came back our house to drop off stuff and to rest. So around 5 pm, we went to Aunt Bessie Marie and Uncle Willie's house. We exchanged more gifts and more family came down. Aunt Judy and Cal (lil cousin), Aunt Sarah, Brian and Fred (cousins), Lil Keith, Big Keith, Victoria, Suzette, the houseowners, my mom, my lil bro, Lil Keith's gf, and Aunt Janice. There was a house full of Ruffins and TRUST when I say we only had a third of us there. We are so loud. Haha. That must be where I get it from. Of course we ate AGAIN! I told you I made a pig of myself.
But it was a great day overall. I love hanging out with my fam. Especially now that i'm no longer a child to be banished from the room when the adults start to talk. But one thing... why is Lil Keith's gf 18 and he's 15. Hmm.... but anyways.... yea... i'm not gonna comment.
Anyways though my joints are aching again so i'm bout to lay it down.
christmas time makes me wanna kill....
Well school is over and i've gotten all my grades in.... blah... so disappointed in myself. Why did my gpa drop to like a 3.2? What is that mess? AND I ended up with a C+ in anatomy... I shoulda dropped it, but I can never resist a challenge. Ugh.... of course it would have helped had I stuck to my study plan and not gone out almost every weekend with the Fam. Of course, my grades are noone's fault but my own so i'm not blaming any of my boys. But I shall definately have to rededicate myself to schoolwork. TRUST when I say that the Jessica studyholic that everyone knew, loved, and worried about freshmen year WILL be returning. And that my friends is all I have to say about that.
In addition, I need to rededicate myself to getting my fat butt is shape. Oh and this is so true! How about my feet haven't hit the pavement in a running fashion in a good four weeks now. I mean, people definately aren't ready for this jelly but it is jiggling a little too much for my taste, if you know what i'm saying. So yea... my body is about to be attacked by not only exercise but proper diet. Of course this is all going to have to start after the holidays because my eating habits at home are atrocious. Just horrible... I mean there is no reason to have chocolate and popcorn for dinner. No matter how tasty that may have turned out to be. On the upside though, I am drinking lots of water so I do feel like i'm doing SOMETHING to keep healthy. Ah well....
Anyways, so I had to go to Greenville on Sunday and babysit my 3 year old cousin, Cal. A pretty package with a devil interior if I ever saw one. That little boy has gotten bad... seriously, I know he would have been beaten already if he just weren't so darned CUTE!! I mean, he needs to be making his mama money and doing Charmin commericals or something. But we had a good time, its nice to go and visit Aunt Judy and Cal. Lets see, Monday it was all about Cal and I. He (for some reason) got up at like 7 am, came into my room, and woke me up by saying, "No, no, no. It no sleep time, it breakfast." Hahaha... whatever. SO we played all day and watched movies... I swear I have "Herman the Mouse" freakin memorized. Haha. That was also the day I realized that I was WAAAY overdue for a touch up. Let me set up the scenario for you: We were playing Bob the Builder, but I couldn't put on the hat he was trying to give me. So I wouldn't wear it and he asked why (his favorite word) and I replied that I didn't want to mess up my hair (ha) and he said "Yo hair don't look dat good". The child has wisdom because it was a firey hot mess.
Ok well lets go back cause events Sunday are worth mentioning. My aunt's best friend is this phenomenal woman named Grace who is Cal's godmother and I like to think of her as a "play aunt". Anyways she came over to bring food and visit us all. I mentioned that I had a friend (Julian - we shall discuss him more at a later time) who lived (I thought) in Greenville. Of course being like me, which means they are nosy, they wanted to know where he lived and they wanted to try and figure out who his people (family) were. So they made me call Julian. And so Julian and I chatted and I found out where he lived and relayed this information to my aunts, who of course then made me get off the phone to pay attention to them. So then they wanted to know how I met Julian and I explained that it was all rather random (as are the best friendship's i've formed) and blah blah blah. Anyways, so somehow him being gay came up and I found a kindred hag spirit in Grace. And then this lead to a conversations about one of my other friends who my family is convinced is gay and just doesn't know. But anyways though, then Grace went on about her dance the night before and how her good friend and his partner were just looking so good and on and on and on. Its nice to see that my family is fairly open (of course there are some bad apples who shall also remain nameless because if I were to start on this woman I wouldn't be able to stop and that just leads down the road to anger and bitterness).... whew. Ok anyways back to the main action...
So I got back home Tuesday night and slept away the disappointment that there was no Real World again this week... anyways.
So today, I spent over 5 hours Christmas shopping and i'm still not done! Argh. As the tagline says Christmas time makes me wanna kill (and i'll add) in a way that is both grotesque and ironic. Gotta be like the incredibly Dr. Hannibal Lector. I didn't mean it!! I didn't mean it!!! Anyways though, my brother and I had to go out together which is always fun and a half ever since he's decided to be a moody teen. In addition, he's lost his damn mind while i've been away. First, he gets a $150 speeding ticket and THEN mom finds fucking WEED in his pocket. What? No... quite seriously... WHAT? I had to go all postal big sister on his ass in the car today. Like every since mom told me I knew I had to have a talk with him but i'd been waiting and figuring out what i wanted to say exactly. So I just finally let him have in on the way to see mom at work. I don't even know what i said but pissed doesn't even begin to describe the state i'm in. People who know me know the first thing I say when I find out ANOTHER BLACK MAN is smoking weed is that is that is not cute. I do not think its cute or fun. Sorry its just another pet peeve of mine. Anyways though, I hope his ass is scared because he should be. He doesn't realized that I kept him out of military school before, but I hope mom calls the recruiter herself and brings him out here. My thoughts are: if you cannot discipline yourself, well then you need to be sent a place that can discipline you. I'm not trying to be holier than thou because we all know Jessica Fabolous likes to get her drink and party on... but Jessica Fabolous does not like to get her jail time because of drug charges on. That is the extreme of not cute. Not to mention what such a thing would do to my mother. I may be the oldest and her daughter, but Edwin is her baby boy. Oh my gosh let me come back from the precipice of that future before I start to tear up myself.
Anyways though, I've been catching up with Brandon for the past few days via phone and internet. Have I mentioned lately how happy I am to have him back? Yay. Horrah and horray! I'm so so so so so so so happy. And I talked to Lashaun the other night too. Hoorah for that as well. I'm really excited about the next semester. However, there are a few lose ends: I need to find a job for after book buy back, I need to get my MCAT prep course paid for, and I need to find out what all is going on with the position on CC. I don't feel like going int othe long detail version, but basically I need to know whether they are going to let me continue on even though I can't make it to any CC meetings because of my MCAT prep course. EduCom was alot of work this past semester, but it was one of the more enjoyable parts.
I suppose this is a good a time as any to do a end of the semester wrap up sort of thing. Ok well... I had all my regular activities (BSM, GAA, MAPS, etc etc) and of course the beloved old school crew was there (Kathy, Derwin, etc). But new things and people came along as well (GLBTSA and the Fam). So lets start at the beginning. I was actually worried this year that with Lashaun gone I wouldn't get to see alot of Kathy. Odd I know, but I have abandonment issues since my father pretty much did that to myself and my little brother. Anyways, moving on though... Kathy and I have had a fun semester. In addition, thanks to CC and such I've gotten to know Angelia, Demia, Joe, Quinton, Ashely, and a whole host of other people. So that was fun. Their a lovely little group and I enjoy them all as people. I've gone to my first concert, we had Sex in the City blowouts, we witnesses fights, we went to the shortest party in out lifetime. It was all very Sex in the City meets Dawson's Creek meets Girlfriends plus that extra special something that can only be found at THE University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. It was a good year socially.
Moving on... there was the newness of GLBTSA. And you know, everything that follows simply shows me what happens when you say "fuck it" and go with your instincts. And you know, let me just put this disclaimer up before I proceed further: All that stuff that lead me to where I am now was all for a friend. I wanted to better myself so that I could be a better friend. It really started out as one of the few, truely selfless things i've ever done. And I only realized this with much hindsight.
Anyways though, back to the main story. So during "Coming Out" week I went to the BSM-GLBTSA forum and that was as it always was. Anyways though, I was really thinking about my friend and I so I had a chance to talk privately with Curtis who I literally met that night. Anyways, so he asked me to come to the meeting that Thursday and I went. It was fine and sorta nice. And that my friends is where I first came upon Bernard... aka Daddy aka Papi. He was teling his coming out story and blinking... alot... anyways and the rest is history. Now we are good friends so yea. Ok so also at a later GLBTSA meeting I met Jeff and through Jeff I met Justin. Now you might ask.. how did I meet Justin. Well I was standing outside the meeting room and i'd gotten there early and noone was there. Well Jeff also had arrive early and so we ended up chatting just to pass the time. After said meeting I somehow ended up in the group Jeff and Justin were in and they were talking. Justin was like "You have really pretty teeth and a really pretty smile". Of course flattery gets you everywhere and so the rest is history. Ok... I met Garrett at Fall Ball... and yea... all that ensued afterwards when his shots got us all drunk as hell. It was nice... my first drunkness of the year. Haha. Let see and then through all these people I just kept meeting even more people. Julian is perhaps the most memorable as one of the last memories of the year was in his room. We all watched tv, played hearts, and did choreography. I enjoy Julian... not that black, gay republican. Its cute. If your a Republican (not that theres anything wrong that) then you should be proud. I mean, i have many Republican friends and I love them all. Really.. I do.
Omg this has gotten way to long and way too out of hand and i'm missing Project Runway. So two fingers and i'm out.
playing update catchup
So school is over for another semester. So far i've got one A and a bunch of Bs. Pretty good considering the complete lack of interest I developed very early on in this semester. I dunno what is wrong with me... clearly I need to get my like together so I can apply to med school. I don't know why they make it so hard though cause clearly people are making Cs up in med school and they will be doctors and they will being getting PIZZAID!!! What?
Anyways though I'm still waiting for my anatomy grade to come in. I'm really worried; actually to be honest i'm scared. I was in real danger of failing that class until I got a A in the lab portion which counts 25%. So that final was really important. Like I really studied for it, I was memorizing and rereading notes and taking practice tests. I feel ok... probably got a B on it.... grrrr... so so so so scared right now. But let me calm down.
How about I overdrew my account. My life is out of control. I need to get a job for real for real. Its so neccessary, especially if I want to maintain the lifestyle to which I never became accustomed. I've become such a GIRL since leaving highschool. Seriously... it is unnecessary for me to shut myself in this house until the 22nd because my hair isn't done. But don't get me started on that because I could go on forever about the tragedy that is my hair right now. But I lets move on shall we?
BRANDON IS BACK!!!!!
I'm am so happy. You don't even understand how much I have missed this boy. Ugh... that is my bestest of bestests of friends. Actually... I don't really like that. Cause I feel like I have more than one best friend and I do. Loretta, Brandon, Kathy, Lashaun... yea theres a good five or six people that could be called my best friends. Awww.... Kathy is leaving... i'm so sad. *Tear. Who am I gonna tease about a touchup and trip out with about the silly ho's (male and female) on campus with? Thats very sad.... let me not think about her being in Cuba next semester. Speaking of people being away... i'm fairly sure that Lashaun is back and yet my cell has yet to receive that yell. Interesting.... I may call him sometime tomarrow or at least by monday. I want to sleep this weekend.
Ew... I have to go to church again. Ugh. Let me not get started on that before people think I have a complex.
Ugh... well hag duty calls... gotta go take care of my peeps.
randomness to fabulousness to extreme wackness
So Thursday was the last GLBTSA mtg for this semester. There was a slide show from events from throughout the year... but why was the music so sad. I remember turning to Jeff and being like "Um... are we never going to see each other again? Cause i'm so sad right now." But anyways. The food was good... somebody threw down on those cookies and that bean dip. Cause it was off the chain.
Another question that pops in my brain: "Why did I get more action at the GLBTSA mtg than i've gotten from these wack straight UNC men?" I'm kinda disturbed and saddened by that but whatever.
Anyways, that was the randomness basically.
So later in the night I went off back to CCs again in Raleigh for my second gay club experience. So much fun was had; it was out of control. Of course I road out with my boy Bernard, but we join two more carloads of UNC people once we got there PLUS other UNC-ees rolled in later in the night. Basically all in all, UNC was representin STRONG at CCs that night. So why was I so drunk? I haven't been that drunk since the BGP after Fall Ball. Oh yea, that vodka mess was way to good to me. I wasnt out of control, but I was good for the rest of the night. I'm gonna need to regulate that though.
Anyways I had alot of fun. I met a celebrity too! I met Diana Prince once of the drag queens from the Drag Show. So yea for that. I also randomly saw one of my cousins there. It was too random! He saw me and was like "OMG... Jessica what are you doing here?!!" and was like "Ha... well... what are YOU doing here?" and he was like "Don't tell Uncle Rickey". Haha. So amusing; I need to call him over the holidays and stuff. I need to keep in touch with him anyways cause we are the same age and in the same year in college. If we want stuff from our family we need to have a united front.
Anyways so here's where the wackness comes in. We went to IHOP as per the post CCs tradition and the line if kinda long. Bernard and I were thinking about leaving, but they let some of our friends in before us and since they rode with us we have to go get them. So we go in to talk to our other friends and we tell the policeman with the list that we need to go tell our friends that we're leaving. So then the group we are suppose to be seated with gets in and we continue to stay seated instead of leaving. Why does crazy powertrippin cop come in there and tell us we have to go. We patiently try to explain that our party is already seated but he is yelling about how he's tired of this happeneing every single night and how we need to get back in line and wait til our names are called (but they already have been cause our party has been seated). Anyways so Bernard and I are both incredibley pissed which makes for a rather tense ride back to the Hill. But we got over it and we decided to forget it so when I tell the story from now own the wack ass policeman (a curse on him and his house) will not be mentioned.
So yay for getting back still drunk at like 5:30 am and yay for having to skip my 10 o clock class.
