Imperfection to perfection: the journey

christmas time makes me wanna kill....

Well school is over and i've gotten all my grades in.... blah... so disappointed in myself. Why did my gpa drop to like a 3.2? What is that mess? AND I ended up with a C+ in anatomy... I shoulda dropped it, but I can never resist a challenge. Ugh.... of course it would have helped had I stuck to my study plan and not gone out almost every weekend with the Fam. Of course, my grades are noone's fault but my own so i'm not blaming any of my boys. But I shall definately have to rededicate myself to schoolwork. TRUST when I say that the Jessica studyholic that everyone knew, loved, and worried about freshmen year WILL be returning. And that my friends is all I have to say about that.

In addition, I need to rededicate myself to getting my fat butt is shape. Oh and this is so true! How about my feet haven't hit the pavement in a running fashion in a good four weeks now. I mean, people definately aren't ready for this jelly but it is jiggling a little too much for my taste, if you know what i'm saying. So yea... my body is about to be attacked by not only exercise but proper diet. Of course this is all going to have to start after the holidays because my eating habits at home are atrocious. Just horrible... I mean there is no reason to have chocolate and popcorn for dinner. No matter how tasty that may have turned out to be. On the upside though, I am drinking lots of water so I do feel like i'm doing SOMETHING to keep healthy. Ah well....

Anyways, so I had to go to Greenville on Sunday and babysit my 3 year old cousin, Cal. A pretty package with a devil interior if I ever saw one. That little boy has gotten bad... seriously, I know he would have been beaten already if he just weren't so darned CUTE!! I mean, he needs to be making his mama money and doing Charmin commericals or something. But we had a good time, its nice to go and visit Aunt Judy and Cal. Lets see, Monday it was all about Cal and I. He (for some reason) got up at like 7 am, came into my room, and woke me up by saying, "No, no, no. It no sleep time, it breakfast." Hahaha... whatever. SO we played all day and watched movies... I swear I have "Herman the Mouse" freakin memorized. Haha. That was also the day I realized that I was WAAAY overdue for a touch up. Let me set up the scenario for you: We were playing Bob the Builder, but I couldn't put on the hat he was trying to give me. So I wouldn't wear it and he asked why (his favorite word) and I replied that I didn't want to mess up my hair (ha) and he said "Yo hair don't look dat good". The child has wisdom because it was a firey hot mess.

Ok well lets go back cause events Sunday are worth mentioning. My aunt's best friend is this phenomenal woman named Grace who is Cal's godmother and I like to think of her as a "play aunt". Anyways she came over to bring food and visit us all. I mentioned that I had a friend (Julian - we shall discuss him more at a later time) who lived (I thought) in Greenville. Of course being like me, which means they are nosy, they wanted to know where he lived and they wanted to try and figure out who his people (family) were. So they made me call Julian. And so Julian and I chatted and I found out where he lived and relayed this information to my aunts, who of course then made me get off the phone to pay attention to them. So then they wanted to know how I met Julian and I explained that it was all rather random (as are the best friendship's i've formed) and blah blah blah. Anyways, so somehow him being gay came up and I found a kindred hag spirit in Grace. And then this lead to a conversations about one of my other friends who my family is convinced is gay and just doesn't know. But anyways though, then Grace went on about her dance the night before and how her good friend and his partner were just looking so good and on and on and on. Its nice to see that my family is fairly open (of course there are some bad apples who shall also remain nameless because if I were to start on this woman I wouldn't be able to stop and that just leads down the road to anger and bitterness).... whew. Ok anyways back to the main action...

So I got back home Tuesday night and slept away the disappointment that there was no Real World again this week... anyways.

So today, I spent over 5 hours Christmas shopping and i'm still not done! Argh. As the tagline says Christmas time makes me wanna kill (and i'll add) in a way that is both grotesque and ironic. Gotta be like the incredibly Dr. Hannibal Lector. I didn't mean it!! I didn't mean it!!! Anyways though, my brother and I had to go out together which is always fun and a half ever since he's decided to be a moody teen. In addition, he's lost his damn mind while i've been away. First, he gets a $150 speeding ticket and THEN mom finds fucking WEED in his pocket. What? No... quite seriously... WHAT? I had to go all postal big sister on his ass in the car today. Like every since mom told me I knew I had to have a talk with him but i'd been waiting and figuring out what i wanted to say exactly. So I just finally let him have in on the way to see mom at work. I don't even know what i said but pissed doesn't even begin to describe the state i'm in. People who know me know the first thing I say when I find out ANOTHER BLACK MAN is smoking weed is that is that is not cute. I do not think its cute or fun. Sorry its just another pet peeve of mine. Anyways though, I hope his ass is scared because he should be. He doesn't realized that I kept him out of military school before, but I hope mom calls the recruiter herself and brings him out here. My thoughts are: if you cannot discipline yourself, well then you need to be sent a place that can discipline you. I'm not trying to be holier than thou because we all know Jessica Fabolous likes to get her drink and party on... but Jessica Fabolous does not like to get her jail time because of drug charges on. That is the extreme of not cute. Not to mention what such a thing would do to my mother. I may be the oldest and her daughter, but Edwin is her baby boy. Oh my gosh let me come back from the precipice of that future before I start to tear up myself.

Anyways though, I've been catching up with Brandon for the past few days via phone and internet. Have I mentioned lately how happy I am to have him back? Yay. Horrah and horray! I'm so so so so so so so happy. And I talked to Lashaun the other night too. Hoorah for that as well. I'm really excited about the next semester. However, there are a few lose ends: I need to find a job for after book buy back, I need to get my MCAT prep course paid for, and I need to find out what all is going on with the position on CC. I don't feel like going int othe long detail version, but basically I need to know whether they are going to let me continue on even though I can't make it to any CC meetings because of my MCAT prep course. EduCom was alot of work this past semester, but it was one of the more enjoyable parts.

I suppose this is a good a time as any to do a end of the semester wrap up sort of thing. Ok well... I had all my regular activities (BSM, GAA, MAPS, etc etc) and of course the beloved old school crew was there (Kathy, Derwin, etc). But new things and people came along as well (GLBTSA and the Fam). So lets start at the beginning. I was actually worried this year that with Lashaun gone I wouldn't get to see alot of Kathy. Odd I know, but I have abandonment issues since my father pretty much did that to myself and my little brother. Anyways, moving on though... Kathy and I have had a fun semester. In addition, thanks to CC and such I've gotten to know Angelia, Demia, Joe, Quinton, Ashely, and a whole host of other people. So that was fun. Their a lovely little group and I enjoy them all as people. I've gone to my first concert, we had Sex in the City blowouts, we witnesses fights, we went to the shortest party in out lifetime. It was all very Sex in the City meets Dawson's Creek meets Girlfriends plus that extra special something that can only be found at THE University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. It was a good year socially.

Moving on... there was the newness of GLBTSA. And you know, everything that follows simply shows me what happens when you say "fuck it" and go with your instincts. And you know, let me just put this disclaimer up before I proceed further: All that stuff that lead me to where I am now was all for a friend. I wanted to better myself so that I could be a better friend. It really started out as one of the few, truely selfless things i've ever done. And I only realized this with much hindsight.

Anyways though, back to the main story. So during "Coming Out" week I went to the BSM-GLBTSA forum and that was as it always was. Anyways though, I was really thinking about my friend and I so I had a chance to talk privately with Curtis who I literally met that night. Anyways, so he asked me to come to the meeting that Thursday and I went. It was fine and sorta nice. And that my friends is where I first came upon Bernard... aka Daddy aka Papi. He was teling his coming out story and blinking... alot... anyways and the rest is history. Now we are good friends so yea. Ok so also at a later GLBTSA meeting I met Jeff and through Jeff I met Justin. Now you might ask.. how did I meet Justin. Well I was standing outside the meeting room and i'd gotten there early and noone was there. Well Jeff also had arrive early and so we ended up chatting just to pass the time. After said meeting I somehow ended up in the group Jeff and Justin were in and they were talking. Justin was like "You have really pretty teeth and a really pretty smile". Of course flattery gets you everywhere and so the rest is history. Ok... I met Garrett at Fall Ball... and yea... all that ensued afterwards when his shots got us all drunk as hell. It was nice... my first drunkness of the year. Haha. Let see and then through all these people I just kept meeting even more people. Julian is perhaps the most memorable as one of the last memories of the year was in his room. We all watched tv, played hearts, and did choreography. I enjoy Julian... not that black, gay republican. Its cute. If your a Republican (not that theres anything wrong that) then you should be proud. I mean, i have many Republican friends and I love them all. Really.. I do.

Omg this has gotten way to long and way too out of hand and i'm missing Project Runway. So two fingers and i'm out.

posted by Perfection1Day @ 10:29 PM